“Secret Suffering” Book
We would like to tell you a bit about the book, Secret Suffering, on which Dr. E and I have been working. Below is a brief overview:
The burning inside my vagina feels like a blowtorch. – Interviewee for Secret Suffering
Feels like shards of glass during sex – Internet survey respondent.
Sex hurts.
That’s the bottom line for roughly 20% of the women in this country between the ages of eighteen and fifty.
Chronic pelvic/sexual pain is a devastating condition that can wreck marriages and destroy the self-esteem of both partners.
Secret Suffering is, first and foremost, the story of the women, and their partners, who are tormented by this condition. For too long, women who suffer have kept silent, gritting their teeth, hiding their tears, and enduring the stabbing, burning, searing pain of intercourse without breathing a word of this “shameful” syndrome to anyone. Or finally, pushed to the limit, a woman will just blurt out the truth to her partner, who is then forced to share the burden.
In a world that worships sexual gratification, with volumes written on achieving the ultimate orgasm or turning up the heat in long-standing relationships, such a situation can tear a couple apart. Below are comments from respondents to the Internet survey conducted by the authors about sexual pain and relationships.
I have been teased by ex?boyfriends, and pressured by them into sexual intercourse. I have been married and divorced, and my ex-husband made me feel guilty, and like less of a woman, for having this condition. I know my condition contributed to my divorce, though it was not the only factor. Since then, dating has been challenging, as I try to explain to potential boyfriends about the condition before we get into any kind of relationship.
This is my secret that I keep from everyone. I pretend that I’m normal with friends and lovers, particularly after the scorn I received from men early on. Once I get to know my partner then I tell them about the disease. In a relationship, I still suffer through the pain because I try to be a normal woman. I tell them that they have to be relatively quick with intercourse. Sensitive men get freaked out when you tell them that you have pain, and insensitive guys just don’t get it.
Eventually, the pain takes on a palpable presence, as if an ancient god to whom these mortals must bow and make sacrifice. Sometimes, the “Master” is beneficent, so the couple can freely express their love. At other times, like a tyrant with no mercy, each is pulled back to barely reach out and touch. The disorders that cause women to suffer pain in their private parts, the vagina, the vulva, clitoris, labia, urethra, are an insidious lot, wreaking havoc on the intimacy that keeps couples close.
The following comment is from a male Internet survey respondent.
My wife has been worn down by the many doctors who have failed her. She has basically given up trying to correct this situation. Our once heavy “chemical attraction” has been completely ruined. I am still interested … but she’s not! I have taken on every suggestion given to us … to no avail. I’m lost as to what to do. We may break up shortly after 15 years of sexual problems with painful intercourse.
Secret Suffering will be the first book to:
- Open the floodgates to expose the issue of chronic sexual pain, which tears couples apart and destroys both partners’ quality of life
- Present in-depth interviews of suffering couples
- Focus not just on the condition, but on how it affects relationships
- “Connect the dots” to educate women about the interconnectivity of bodily functions that creates sexual pain
- Present successful methods used by couples and professionals to keep intimacy alive
- Urge parents to look for early signs of CPP in their adolescent and teenage daughters
- Let women who suffer know they are not alone, they aren’t crazy, and provide a proven blueprint for regaining intimacy in their relationships and management of the condition
We look forward to updating you on our progress with this book, about which we are both so passionate.
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