Suffering Quietly
Many have asked for updates on my condition and how I am doing. I have learned that because I have so many conditions that there are ups and downs in this healing process. Right now I am in a down as I would put it. The doctor is wonderful and is trying everything and I follow all directions to the tea. In some areas I have made progress but in others I have not.
I feel I have made progress with my Interstitial Cystitis. But my Vulvodynia and Vular Vestibulitis have in my opinion not progressed but digressed. I follow the diet for it strongly. I have gone on a completely gluten free diet and I have followed all instructions. This is frustrating for me as a women. I have constant pain and I feel like the medications are not working for me. I don’t want to scare other women into feeling like they will hit this point as well because they may not. I have other under lining health conditions that make treatment more interesting. I know there is hope that there are other options. I am considering these options and weighing on them heavily.
I also have pudenal nerve damage which is frustrating sense I am a computer programmer and am required to work at my desk sitting for up to 8 hours at a time. The nerve becomes inflamed then the rest of my conditions become inflamed. Its a horrible cycle. I am continuing with the pudenal nerve blocks.
It has been since the end of october I think and the only progress I feel I have made is in the Interstitial Cystitis. Sex is little if ever. Its too painful and mentally nothing else is pleasing. I want it like everyother women not other ways. I want to be able to please my husband of 8 years like I should be able to.
He is a saint. He has been very paitent. Not to say that he isn’t suffering he is. But he supports me in every way. I love him for that. We were married at 19 and have only been with each other. So this is hard on us. We had a great sex life before all of this. One our friends envied. So for him its hard to go from that to what we have now. He is very needy and I feel at times that I am letting him down.
My kids and friends have very little knowledge of what I am going through. One they don’t understand it because they don’t suffer it and two I hide it well with a great smile on my face every day. I hide pain so well. But there are the days I can not hide the pain. When I am so tired of it and of suffering. But I focus on the hope of healing. I know there are treatments that work and that I can explore.
I am looking into those other treatments with my doctor and considering them. We will see how it goes.